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Philosophical Powers!!!

March 14, 2007

NYU Law student Ian Vandewalker has developed philosophy action heroes representing the greatest minds of Western thought. These are hilarious! Check out Augustine, Anselm and Aquinas:

Nationality: from Numidia, a Roman province in northern Africa

Group Alliances:
“Nefarious” Neoplatonists
“Thorny” Theists
“Sadistic” Saints

AKA: Bustin’ Augustine
Cussin’ Augustine
A-Gustin’ Wind
Aurelius Augustinus

Powers: cognition aided by divine illumination; shape shifting ability

Weaknesses: inability to do anything that will earn the divine grace necessary to make up for original sin

Notes: These toys come with with a 224-page minicomic, Concussions of Saint Augustine, explaining the character’s origin and describing some of his amazing adventures!

Saint Anselm
Nationality: Italian

Group Alliances:
“Scoundrel” Schoolmen
“Thorny” Theists
“Belligerent” Benedictines
“Sadistic” Saints

AKA: Handsome Anselm
Dancin’ Anselm
Anselm of “Count ‘n’ Bury”
Anselm of Canterbury

Powers: the power to preserve rectitude of the will for its own sake

Weaknesses: vulnerable to Gaunilo’s™ Perfect Island® attack

Notes: The manufacturing process has painstakingly increased the perfection of these toys by giving them the property of existence. A consequence of the toys’ high quality is that they are so expensive that they can be paid for only with money that is both fully divine and fully money.

Saint Thomas Aquinas
Nationality: Italian

Group Alliances:
“Scoundrel” Schoolmen
“Monstrous” Moderate Realists
“Dominating” Dominicans
“Sadistic” Saints

AKA: “Acquires It” Aquinas
Tommy-Gun Aquinas
Aquino da Rhino
Tom Thumbscrews
“He’s No Saint” Aquinas
The Angelic Doctor

Powers: breathes underwater

Weaknesses: sainthood not all it’s cracked up to be

Notes: With this toy, children can pretend that Aquinas says to his enemies that he will “get medieval on their asses.”


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